Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
