Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
