I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
