how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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