i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
