3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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