I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
