and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize