member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
