yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
