We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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