I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
