she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
as a side note pls kill me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
