My hand turned me down
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize