some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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