last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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