it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
