I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
