Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
