You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
