Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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