so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
