3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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