i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
