Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
