I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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