I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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