i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found your dick twin last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
