She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
