oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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