i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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