I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
