"it" just moved
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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