I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
