Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
