We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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