Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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