He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
