i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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