You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
