hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
