I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
