eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
