I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
