How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
