Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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