I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just tell him i said nine months
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
