Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
