Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
