i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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