All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
