Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize