Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
