I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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