I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
