dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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