ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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