awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
