You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
