ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
