last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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