How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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