hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize