i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
