Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
