I'm lost and stupid without you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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