Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
