For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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