Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
