why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
