you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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