Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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