If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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