If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
