if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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