LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
