barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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