I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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