so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
