Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just google imaged poop.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
