How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
