I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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