I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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