Sponge bath it is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
