im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
