I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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