Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
