Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
