Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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