I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize