if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nicole vs. Life
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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