suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
