after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
